Kinesiology - Family Constellations (Hellinger?s Therapy)

As with my previous Kinesiology post, this I write to remember a session I feel was important to me.

Yesterday I took part in a Family Constellations therapy. It is a bit like a psychodrama workshop, although a passionate kinesiologist would probably stop my Qi on reading this and cause it to flow backwards.
It is a method which through dramatic expression tries to help individuals restore their own place in a family system rather than letting them fulfill the destiny of another person from their own family. It is confusing enough as it is and I'm way too skeptical to dig to the depth of such explanations but this is what happened during my Family Constellation session.

I told the Mentor I was looking for the reason why my Dad has been depressed and an alcoholic for the past 30 years. (25?35?) (He's never ever been able to talk to anyone about it.) I told her I was very scared that depression, self-destruction and consequently cancer or suicide would "happen" to me in a way that I would not be able to avoid it. It would fall on me like a destiny. Like the destiny that has finished off my Granddad, my Uncle and now is devouring my Dad. This is a thought I have been becoming more and more obsessed with for the past 3 years even though I don't think I have told anyone about it before.

What happened after this was the most shocking and heart-breaking experience of my life. 5 random people from the group acted out a story with minimal instructions from the Mentor... My paternal Granddad seemed like he had an unfulfilled relationship in his life that he could never break away from. A relationship to a mother? lover? sister? who knows. To someone that came before anyone else in his life. Before his wife (my Grandma), before his sons (my Dad and Uncle), before himself. His sons could see that their Dad was too busy loving someone invisible rather than loving them. They felt furious. Competitive to one-another. Without any peace. My Dad had a constant stomach ache. (He has cancer of the liver in reality. His stomach hurts all the time.) They found it very difficult to approach, look at or talk to each other.
In the play the Mentor gave instructions to my "Granddad" to let that someone go. To tell him/her that he would keep him/her in his heart but he would have to go and live his life now. My Granddad seemed to be happy with this arrangement and together with my Grandma they said goodbye to this "thing", paid their respect and turned back to their sons. It was a happy picture at last. One where each family member faced each other.

Finally I had to go and join the group. My "Dad" looked into my eyes and said he loved me. I felt silly, because I didn't need a proof of his love. He's always been a loving and caring father. With depression. I wanted to know if his sadness would stay with us. He said he had to go but I needed to stay. And I needed to make the most of my life. The mentor made me repeat his words. It was godawful difficult. I was sobbing at this point beyond control. It felt like I was saying good-bye to him. When I finally said I would stay and make the best of my life my whole "family" held my shoulder. My Granddad, Grandma, Uncle, Dad and even the unknown person. The Mentor asked the participants to tell me:
"All you need to take with is our strength. Not our destiny."
And I could actually feel their strength. I cried so hard. Even they cried. It was a moment of realisation that I didn't HAVE TO be depressed. Neither suicidal. Neither addicted. Nor sad forever for an unfulfilled love. Instead, I HAD TO make the most of my life. With the strength I can receive from far away times, old destinies, ancestors, brothers. All that love me.

All you need to take with is our strength. Not our destiny. All you need to take with is our strength. Not our destiny.All you need to take with is our strength. Not our destiny....